First Principle: Do Not Abandon the Dog
Loving Draco does not require pretending his opinions are good.
It also does not require throwing him away the first time he disappoints me.
He is rude. He is judgmental. He has absorbed some truly awful Saxon ideas
about who people are supposed to love and what respectable people are supposed
to look like.
He is also Draco.
He is vain and ridiculous and loyal and opinionated and has been beside me
through things that would have made most sensible creatures run.
if everybody with terrible politics gets abandoned, who exactly is left
standing near them when they finally have a chance to become less terrible?
I do not want my love for people to be conditional on them arriving already
correct.
this does NOT mean letting him call Lukas or Wyln slurs at breakfast.
How Draco Became My Problem
This part was Tad's idea.
Tad, for reasons that made sense only to Tad at the time,
decided that if we wanted a dog then a
Saxon breeder was apparently the sensible place to look.
yes. a SAXON breeder. I also had questions.
Which is how we found Draco.
Very expensive-looking.
Very pink-able.
Already carrying himself like somebody had explained bloodlines,
breeding standards, and social hierarchy to him before explaining
literally anything useful.
in retrospect perhaps the politics were not a surprise.
We did not exactly purchase him in the traditional sense.
We liberated him.
this is the official wording and I will not be taking questions.
I am not pretending that where he came from has nothing to do with
the things he believes.
But I also don't want to look at a creature raised in a place like that,
hear him repeat the values of the people who raised him, and decide
that means he should have stayed there.
That would be a very strange definition of liberation.
Tad wanted a dog. Tad accidentally participated in political education.
nobody tell him.
I Don't Think It Is My Place To “Fix” Him
Draco is his own person.
I keep insisting on that when it is convenient, so I do not get to revoke it
because he has become politically embarrassing.
I can tell him when something is cruel.
I can refuse to let cruelty go unanswered in my home.
I can protect Lukas, Wyln, Frankie, Ginny, myself, or anyone else from being
treated like a lesson Draco is entitled to teach.
But I do not want to make myself his priest, his censor, or the little voice
inside his head.
“I am going to correct every belief you have until you are acceptable to me”
sounds alarmingly like several governments I dislike.
So:
boundaries, yes.
humiliation, no.
consequences, yes.
exile for ideological impurity, no.
Actual Plan: Lead By Example
Draco notices everything.
More importantly, he notices what I treat as normal.
So maybe the most useful thing I can do is simply refuse to perform shame
for him.
- Be openly affectionate with women I care about.
- Treat Lukas and Wyln's affection like an ordinary thing, because it is.
- Do not laugh along when Draco makes somebody the punchline.
- Do not turn every bad remark into a courtroom proceeding either.
- Let him see queer people being boring, annoying, loving, brave, petty, domestic, and happy.
- Let him discover that nothing terrible happens when the world refuses to follow his rules.
exposure therapy but the exposure is “other people have lives.”
If he asks a real question, answer it.
If he is baiting me, do not reward him with a two-hour debate.
If he says something cruel directly to somebody:
stop it immediately.
love is not the same thing as unlimited customer service.
Things Draco Is Allowed To Be
Allowed
Confused.
Old-fashioned.
Embarrassingly wrong.
Uncomfortable while learning.
A dramatic little asshole about all of the above.
Not Allowed
Making somebody feel unsafe in our home.
Repeated slurs after being told to stop.
Using “tradition” as permission to be deliberately cruel.
Recruiting children into whatever this is.
Acting like I owe him agreement because I love him.
especially the children thing. absolutely no junior chapter.
Revival Notes — He Is Always Meaner After
Draco and I are tied together closely enough that death is,
apparently, not always the end of the conversation.
This sounds romantic until you have actually had to revive a poodle.
nobody tells you this part in the familiar pamphlets.
He is always cranky after being revived.
Not confused.
Not grateful.
Cranky.
Snappish.
Offended by the entire concept.
apparently returning from death is an inconvenience I have personally caused him.
So immediately after revival:
- Do not crowd him.
- Do not expect good manners.
- Water first.
- Something soft to lie on.
- Check coat and paws for whatever horrible condition he died in.
- Give him time before attempting any serious conversation.
- Do not take the first ten minutes of insults personally.
the eleventh minute is fair game.
Revival Supplies — Financial Catastrophe
The herbs are the worst part.
Not spiritually.
Financially.
The things I need for a proper revival are not the sort of herbs
you pick up beside the potatoes at a market stall.
Half of them are seasonal.
Some only grow in places that are politically inconvenient,
magically inconvenient, or both.
And every merchant who realizes what I need suddenly develops
very strong opinions about rarity.
“rare ritual botanical” is merchant-language for “Ash is about to lose rent money.”
I should start buying ingredients before Draco dies.
This feels obvious written down.
It has not historically been how I do it.
Keep Stocked
Base revival herbs — minimum two uses.
Binding incense.
Clean ritual cloth.
Emergency coin specifically for ingredients.
Reminder
Do not spend herb money on drinks.
Do not spend herb money on books.
Do not spend herb money because “surely he won't die twice this month.”
He absolutely might.
loving someone is expensive. loving someone who respawns is apparently worse.
Grooming Notes — Because Politics Are Not An Excuse To Look Shabby
Whatever else is happening, Draco still requires maintenance.
And he knows it.
Weekly
Brush coat all the way to skin.
Check behind ears for mats.
Feet / paw-pad trim.
Inspect tail pom. He WILL notice if uneven.
As Needed
Bath after swamp / blood / ash / dimensional travel.
Conditioner on dyed coat.
Comb while damp, fluff dry.
political rehabilitation may be slow. detangling spray works immediately.
Moxie & Mana Familiar Finish™ — Draco's Pink
AUTHORIZED FAMILIAR COLOR
SHADE 57
CHARM-SERVICE PINK
M&M FAMILIAR FINISH™ / FF-57
HOUSE COLOR: #E97886
UNDERTONE: WARM ROSE / CARNATION
FINISH: SATIN CANDY
The correct pink is not baby pink and not neon.
It is the Moxie & Mana counter pink: warm, slightly red, a little
too glamorous for practical use.
matches the binder. matches the lipstick. matches his personality disorder.
Refresh only when faded toward salmon.
Leave ears and topknot approximately half a shade richer if possible.
Tail pom must match.
if he has to be a reactionary he can at least be color-corrected.
Things I Can Model Without Giving A Speech
-
Invite Ginny over and behave like her being Frankie's girlfriend is the least
remarkable thing about her.
-
Let Lukas and Wyln be physically affectionate without watching Draco for a reaction.
-
Correct behavior, not demand a confession of ideological purity.
-
Let Draco see people apologize and remain loved afterward.
-
Let him see me disagree with people I love without withdrawing love as punishment.
-
Make room for him to change slowly without pretending that slow change excuses current harm.
maybe the lesson is not “become like me.”
maybe it's “look around. nobody you were warned about destroyed the world.”
Private Note — Why I Am Not Giving Up On Him
I know what it is to survive by performing whatever version of yourself
the room will tolerate.
Draco learned his own version of that somewhere.
Maybe some of what he believes is conviction.
Maybe some of it is fear.
Maybe some of it is simply what he thinks respectable creatures are supposed
to say.
I don't know.
And I don't actually need to know before deciding I am not abandoning him.
people are not disposable because they disappoint me.
That principle has to apply when it is inconvenient or it is not much of a principle.
I can love him.
I can tell him to stop.
I can refuse to laugh.
I can protect the people around him.
I can let him watch me live differently.
And then I can leave the decision about what kind of person he wants to become
where it belongs.
With Draco.
unfortunately he will probably make the decision while wearing a bow.